Well, you survived the Old Year, unlike so many celebs. Michael Jackson, that one chick, Luanne from King of the Hill, some other guy and David Carradine. But don't be so happy, because that just means you have one more thing in common with Rush Limbaugh. You have survived alcoholism, drug addiction obesity and being constantly foaming-at-the mouth angry. Good for you. Good. For. You.

But the New Year does not wash away the sins of the Old. Simply buying a membership to a gym does not vanish that pendulous pannus hanging between your thighs which renders your gender an absolute moot point. So I bid you, grab a hold of that flesh curtain and hop up on a treadmill. Put down that cup of noodles and pick up some cookware and make your own damn food. Add some vegetables for once. Real ones. Bathe at least once a day. Start flossing again. Call your grandmother. Take out the trash.

Do your homework.

Because...

The only thing worse than being unemployed is being fucking ignorant and unemployed.

And you will be unemployed, because my child, you have developed no skills with any proficiency.

No one requires your talent for texting and whining.

If you already have a new resolution, please reconsider and focus on being of use in making this world a better place.

~MY NAME IS BUCK AND I LIKE TO PARTY~

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Says Smokey the "Bear" and by "Bear" I mean a big, hairy gay man in assless chaps.
I finally get some sweet-sweet summer vacation time but then the GAYS go and ruin it by getting MARRIED and now California has been having these incredibly rare DRY LIGHTENING storms that have been igniting many a fire. If that wasn't bad enough, there hasn't been any wind or rain (hello? DRY LIGHTENING jerk-face) so the smoke had just been hanging in the air, much like these sweaty nut-sacks that get slapped around what with these gays everywhere.
Some people say it's God, the Christian one. But I'm not so sure. I mean, I'm not religious or anything, but I thought his deal was more like floods and locusts and shit. I mean, yeah, Sodom was totally RAZED to the ground, RAZED in a storm of FIRE. But there are two SIGNIFICANT differences. ONE: Not only are the gays in California committing SODOMy (is this not a coicedece that sodomy happened in Sodom? Get your tinfoil hats out folks!) but they are also getting married. What, did Satan DOUBLE-DARE them? TWO: DRY sweet mother fu(this is a sin too, only it was perfectly acceptable for Lot to nail his daughters because he was drunk and asleep and to the best of his knowledge, the last people on Earth)cking LIGHTENING. Totally Zeus' style. Like, totally.

MY PREDICTION: People are going to start getting RAPED by SWANS. This is also totally Zeus' style. Totally. Look it up.

I know what you are thinking. How come no natural disaster has occurred in Canada where the queers run as free as they please? What about New York, where gays are also allowed to have the same rights as heterosexual couples, who clearly show better competence at being committed? Meanwhile Louisiana was flooded and blown nearly out of existence not too long after passing its ban on gay marriage. Now there is God's style right there.

OooOOOoo~h Snap. Well it looks like God only craps on places where gays aren't getting married. JUST LIKE SODOM. It's Zeus who doesn't like gays PERIOD. They are both jerks, but hey, what're ya gonna do?

MY ADVICE TO ZEUS: Dude, the gays are not in BUTTE COUNTY. AIM BETTER.

My ADVICE TO THE QUEERS: Get MARRIED NOW. Zeus is a douche and can't aim for shit, so no worries.

Anyway folks, this is why I've been away for so long. Those bus-driving fairies with giant shoes on the roof and the fat topless bitches on hogs are always screaming "WE AREN'T HURTING ANYONE" but look at this. The forest fires that they cause by pissing off some irrelevant deity are making it hard for me to breath and keeping me cooped up indoor afraid of the next DRY LIGHTENING strike in my local heavily wooded area.

Things seemed to have cleared up... FOR NOW...so maybe I'll be able to get back to some of my drawings. WE SHALL SEE.

Catch you on the flipside,
Your pal,
Poops

*This journal entry is in response to Roland Meyer's June 28th Letter to the Editor, Sacramento Bee. In other words, if you were offended by the preceding you are a fucktard because what I wrote was a joke. Like, my best friend is gay. I know lots of gays. Gays are so awesome. I want a tiny gay and I will dress him and put him in my pocket. So clearly, I have vindicated myself and am quite pro-gay everything, otherwise I would never offer to keep a gay in my pocket.

Happy Five Hundred Page Views
*confetti*
*balloons*
*marching band*

Well, it's not really a big deal, as it's a pittance of page perusals compared to other pages.
But five hundred sounds like a nice number.

*guy in jumpsuit with push broom*
*sweep sweep sweep*

I'm really happy, happy because I received the special honor of being Trigar's first pencil artist feature. It's pretty exciting, and I'm looking forward to seeing other pencil artist features, since compared to my entire art experience, using color pencils is relatively new to me and I'm interested in seeing how other people use them.
Hey now, it's not like I picked this up yesterday. I don't want to give the impression that I'm some kind of arrogant fly-by-night maverick, storming into town with my guns a blazin' taking names and dialing numbers.
No, I've still been doing this awhile. Aw heck, go read the extra special interview here-->
[link]

Anyway, this is a pretty neat feature, so let's all support our traditional artists, namely pencil sketchers!